I have just had a revelation whilst listening to Damien Rice. I’ve had issues in the past trying to figure out who I am, as a person. People always say that you need to ‘find’ yourself. Well, I just have.
I am the girl who bumbles her way through life with a smile on her face. A bit scatter-brained I forget my keys and put my shoes in the freezer instead of the wardrobe. I am quite content wandering around the shopping centre in the middle of the afternoon, a Starbucks in one hand and my perfect boyfriend in the other.
I am NOT the person who (if you’re lucky) slumps into a lecture hung over, because I was out the night before getting horribly drunk in some disgusting, grotty venue, kissing random guys and smoking like a chimney. I did this for a while last year; my darkest times yet. It wasn’t me and I know that. It was a rebellion against the guy that broke my heart.
You don’t want me? Fine! I don’t need you; I can do what I want!
I’m so thankful that I have realised how wrong that was. That is the complete opposite to who I am. Granted I haven’t behaved like that in a while but it’s almost like I was missing it. Now? The very thought of me ever acting that way makes me feel sick to my stomach. I think it’s important to know who you are. It makes life so much simpler and means you can be so much happier.
Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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